Liam was a server at church, a teen leader at his parish, on the honor roll, ran on the cross-country team. He had everything to live for — there were no signs that anything was amiss, Julie said. It didn’t make sense. It still doesn’t. It never will.

“With suicide, it’s just sudden,” Julie said. “The rug is just pulled out from underneath you.”

The December after Liam died, Julie checked herself into the hospital. Overwhelmed by the loss of her son, she felt suicidal herself.

Julie’s husband, David, now a permanent deacon and director of parish life at Our Lady Consolata of Cass City, was very supportive and helped Julie come up with a plan after her release from the hospital. People from the parish would come pick her up for daily Mass, but she didn’t want to go. She was depressed, her faith was shaken and she was mad at God. Julie never thought she would survive the first year.

“The pain was so great and so immense,” she said.

Today, her pain and grief have become the foundation of a ministry of compassion. Julie now walks with other grieving parents through the Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents. Along with Mary Greyerbiehl, who lost her 21-year-old son, Matthew, in 2009, Julie serves as a parent witness at Emmaus Retreats, sharing her story to help others cope with loss.

“My ministry is grief,” said Mary, a lay minister and parishioner at St. Hubert Parish in Bad Axe. “I don’t mind sharing my story.… It’s part of my healing.”

The Emmaus Ministry for Grieving Parents, founded in 2009 by Diane and Charley Monaghan in Boston, Massachusetts, began as a Franciscan-inspired response to their own unimaginable loss after their son died by suicide. Today, it has grown into a national ministry accompanying parents through the heartbreak of losing a child from any cause. The Diocese of Saginaw joined this mission in 2022, hosting its first Emmaus Retreat at St. Agnes Parish in Freeland. It is now one of more than a dozen dioceses across the country offering these retreats, with some locations also providing extended weekend experiences.

In the Diocese of Saginaw, Deacon Gary Patelski and his wife Arlene lead daylong retreats. They lost their 48-year-old son Brian to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) almost seven years ago. Brian, who left behind a wife and five children, was diagnosed in September 2018. Eight months later, on May 11, 2019, he succumbed to the disease.

Deacon Gary and Arlene, married for 60 years in June, searched for support to handle the grief. But they discovered most grief support groups dealt with the loss of a spouse or a parent, not the loss of a child. They also needed support through a Catholic lens. It wasn’t until 2023, when they attended their first Emmaus Retreat at Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary Parish in Midland, that they finally found the support they needed.

Wanting to share the healing they received, Deacon Gary and Arlene began leading the retreats for the diocese. The retreats, Deacon Gary said, are a “spiritual one-day retreat for parents who have experienced the death of a child of any age, by any cause, no matter how long ago.” As of October 2025, they had led six retreats. A seventh is scheduled for March 29 at St. Catherine of Siena in Bay City. And in addition to retreats in the Diocese of Saginaw, the couple also led a retreat in the Diocese of Marquette in November 2025.

Each time they lead a retreat, Deacon Gary said, they experience all the emotions they did in the days after losing Brian. A permanent deacon at St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church in Saginaw, Deacon Gary describes himself as an emotional person. But somehow, he managed to preach at Brian’s funeral in Texas and at the family’s former parish in Bridgeport.

You never get over the loss of a child, said Arlene, a lay minister. “It still hurts to this day. But how we get through this is to help other people.”

The format of each daylong retreat is the same. The day begins at 9:30 a.m. with an opening prayer. Each attendee receives a prayer shawl and time to share their child’s name and cause of death. Everyone receives a candle with a picture of their child on it that burns throughout the retreat. And then Deacon Gary talks about what the Catholic Church teaches about death.

After lunch, there’s a parent witness who shares their story—what happened, their walk through the grief process, and what it’s like for them today. There is group sharing in both small and large groups. Everyone is encouraged to write a letter either to their child or someone else. Parents never have to share it, but Deacon Gary tells them the letter is sacred and suggests they burn or bury it if they decide to dispose of it.

Central to each retreat is the Emmaus Walk where parents are paired randomly and encouraged to walk together outside for about 45 minutes and share their stories, experiences and anything they need to discuss on their grief journey.

At the end of the day, everyone attends Mass and eats dinner together. Then there’s a closing ceremony around 7 p.m. when everyone extinguishes their candle and receives a blessing.

People do not have to be Catholic to attend the retreat, Deacon Gary said. There’s a free will offering, but the retreats generally are paid for by previous attendees. There’s also no limit on how many times people can attend the retreats.

“Our retreats are supported by several parents who have been on past retreats,” Arlene said. “The overall experience of the retreat would not be possible without their support.”

Louraine Latty of St. Thomas Aquinas Parish in Saginaw helps with greeting participants and provides snacks throughout the day. Tony and Karen Dybas and Joy McKeon, all of Holy Trinity Parish in Pinconning, donate and prepare the food for lunch and dinner.

“It’s vitally important for the Diocese to offer this type of support ministry when parents are experiencing the tragedy of losing a child,” said Kellie Deming, director of parish life and evangelization for the Diocese of Saginaw. Losing a child is not in the natural order of things. “Most people do not experience this type of tragedy.”

Parents who attend the retreats receive support from each other, Kellie said. And the retreats are aptly named. On the Road to Emmaus, two disciples eventually realize they are walking with Jesus. During the retreats, parents also discover they are not alone; they are walking with other grieving parents and with Jesus. “Jesus is walking with each and every one of these people … he’s also walking with them forever.”

Even if someone believes they have worked through their grieving process, Emily Glaza of St. Agnes, Freeland, said she would still encourage them to go to one of the retreats.

At the urging of her parents — who lead the grief program at St. Christopher Parish in Caro — Emily attended an Emmaus retreat at the beginning of October 2025, only three months after losing her 14-year-old son, Aiden, after battling spontaneous hydrocephalus, a disease that causes cerebral spinal fluid to build up on the brain. Aiden, who suffered his first stroke at 5, passed away from his sixth stroke in July 2025.

Emily said the experience helped her realize she was not alone. After losing someone, everyone is there to support you at first, she said. But two weeks later, “the rest of the world is turning, and you feel like you’re standing still.” At the retreat, though, Emily experienced a glimmer of hope. She was randomly placed in the same group as another mother who also had lost a son. And like Emily, she was a mother of twins, one living and one who had passed.

“God works in mysterious ways … let him work in you,” she said.

Over a period of years, Emily saw her son lose his ability to swallow, walk and breathe on his own. After emerging from a coma in 2019, Aiden miraculously learned how to walk, talk and swallow again after six months.

But Aiden never had the chance to drive or graduate from high school, Emily said through tears. The disease eventually took everything away.

“I’ve been grieving for 10 years,” she said.

Grief can be an isolating experience—especially after losing a child, Emily said. Everyone eventually loses their parents, many lose spouses, but not everyone loses a child. “It’s not supposed to happen.”

Emily also faces challenges that most other parents who have lost children do not face—how to navigate the grief process with a surviving twin. On top of her own grief, Emily said, she is helping Aiden’s twin, Ethan, and her 16-year-old son, Noah, through their grieving process by taking them to the Children’s Grief Center (Great Lakes Bay Region) in Midland. “I needed to understand what they were going through.” Emily’s husband, Christopher, also is going through his own grief process.

Everyone processes grief differently, she said. “We just don’t understand grief, and we don’t talk about grief.”

Sometimes, even in a marriage, people feel like they’re walking through the grief process by themselves. Men and women process grief differently, said Deacon Gary, the Emmaus Retreat leader. Once he and his wife Arlene realized this, they grew closer.

Mary, the lay minister from Bad Axe, also struggled for a long time after losing her son Matthew, who died by suicide in 2009.

“It was an absolute shock to us,” she said. He was popular, well-liked, and had a contagious laugh. He broke every soccer record at school, he could play any instrument by ear, he was artistic and he knew how to work on almost any car engine. One day after work, Mary stopped at home before going to a dental appointment. That’s when she discovered Matthew.

After years of therapy and retreats with her husband George, Mary said the loss still is overwhelming at times. People say the most insensitive things, especially when suicide is involved. Today, Mary believes Matthew is with God. And during the retreats, she has found great comfort talking to other parents. Since their sons’ deaths, Julie, Mary and Emily said they have drawn closer to the Blessed Mother, who also lost her son.

“My faith has grown so much since Matthew’s death,” Mary said. “But you never ever get over the loss of your child. It just becomes a part of you.”